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 Church Excuses ...
I'm still alergic to my religion

i thought they kicked me out after i said "holy crap" when they asked for the collection plate

I don't like going to church because the priest is too loud, the choir can't sing, and the man behind me keeps coughing!

I don't want to go to church because my kids don't want to go and I can't find a babysitter for them.

I don't want to go to church because I have epilepsy and I'm afraid I'll have a seizure during the sermon.

i thought they kicked me out after i said "holy crap" when they asked for the collection plate
I don't like going to church because the priest is too loud, the choir can't sing, and the man behind me keeps coughing!
I don't want to go to church because my kids don't want to go and I can't find a babysitter for them.
I don't want to go to church because I have epilepsy and I'm afraid I'll have a seizure during the sermon.
The little children that sit in front of me in church don't pay attention so why should I? I might as well not go.
i'll go to church when I start smoking and if I don't I'll go when I stop
"I wasn't paying attention because I was talking to God. I'm sorry."
God can hear me worship from home.
The last time I went to Chuch, the priest told us about someone who was burned at the stake for believing in God! I don't want that to happen to me now do I?
eat popcorn so I won't be attending church for the rest of football season.
Sorry I'm late for church. I was too busy finishing my human sacrifice.
Sorry I missed church today. I was performing a human sacrifice.
I did not miss church, in fact I had quite a good time with out coming to church.
I did not miss Church, I found a new Church. It’s a wonderful Church so singing, no sit-stand-kneel, it’s very peaceful. Every Sunday you can faithfully find me at Saint Mattress.
I'm sorry I couldn't come to church. The virgin sacrifice took longer than we expected.
Here's an excuse for not going to church: The devil made me do it!
Sorry I missed Church, but I was too busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian.
Sorry I couldn't go to church last week, the devil is a horrible thing.
Church Excuse: Veni, Vidi, NoN-Velcro. (I came, I Saw, I didn't stick around.)
This parish is too politically correct.
My husband and I both work for our church and if he doesn't feel like going into church on Sunday, he'll often say, I just spent 5 (or 6) days there, if we go to church today, I will be in church everyday for the last 12 days. That much church can kill a person.
I can't go to church, my name is Judas.
What go to church? Sorry I'm Catholic.
It's family reunion day - most people don't seem to know that they CAN have a family reunion on a Saturday!
I have to wash the car.
I must mow the yard.
I am a song writer and wrote a song about excuses people give for not serving and worshipping the Lord. Your page covered most of them plus some. Here are some others:
I don't go to church cause I have a feeling that God doesn't like agnostics.
My cat is a prophet, I get all my Godly advice straight from the cat's mouth. If the cat doesn't tell me to got to church, I consider it great wisdom of the prophet.
I'm allergic to unleavened bread.
I'm allergic to wine.
I'm allergic to incense.
I atoned for my sins last year.
Three words: Church On Line
The guy I slept with last night....you know.....what's his name.....couldn't tell me where the nearest church service was.....heathen that he must be!
God made Football.....doesn't that cover it?
I'm too hung over to get outta bed that early on Sunday.
I don't go to church on Sunday because getting the kids dressed in their Sunday Best first thing in the morning makes me cuss and curse the Lord......very loudly.
Nobody notices when I'm gone anyway.
They don't sing the songs I like.
The whole service caters to young people.
The whole service is designed for old people.
I'm not coming if they are going to play guitars and drums.
They don't play the organ.
The organ is too loud.
I can't go to church because my butt hurts from all the sitting and I need joint replacements in my knee's from all the kneeling.
I should be able to send in money if I want without having to put money in a plate.
I don't like all the hollering and yelling some people do.
They're always asking me for more of my money.
Why don't they sing Negro spirituals?
The songs are too European.
The songs are too old.
I can't find a baby sitter on Sunday.
I never know what time I'm going to get home.
It's uncomfortable in church.
The pews are too hard.
Jesus wasn't a blue eyed white man.
I don't like the statue of Jesus.
There aren't any good-looking girls there.
There aren't any good-looking guys there.
My family never went to church when I was a kid.
My husband doesn't go, so why should I.
My wife doesn't go, so why should I.
I don't have transportation.
Pastors can't forgive sins.
I worship God at home when I'm alone.
I don't believe in religion.
I'm not religious.
I hate it when they ask me to stand up and introduce myself.
The people always try to get me to join the church.
It's too stuffy, why don't they open some windows.
The air conditioner is too loud.
It's too hot, why don't they get air conditioning.
It's too cold in there, why don't they turn up the heat.
The choir isn't very good.
The choir doesn't sing often enough.
The choir is too loud.
I don't like the songs the choir sings.
I don't like the songs we have to sing.
I don't like them serving grape juice - they should serve wine.
I don't like them serving wine every two weeks.
The sermon is too long.
The service is too long.
I don't want to be around a bunch of bible thumpers.
Why should I give my money to some church?
I don't want to put anything in the plate.
I can't afford to give anything, and I don't want to be embarrassed.
I can't follow what they do, so why should I just sit there.
I don't understand what's goin' on anyway.
I'll get religious in my next life.
I'll get religion when I get to purgatory.
My family can get me into heaven after I'm dead.
I don't do nothing bad, so I'm goin' to heaven anyway.
I belong to the 700 club; that's good enough.
I watch Billy Graham every week.
I attend church by watching it on TV.
I listen to church on the radio.
I don't believe in God.
I don't think I really believe in God.... I'm just not sure.
I have nothing to wear.
I don't get up in time on Sunday morning.
I work lots of overtime....so I'm too tired to worship God.
Ain't got time.
I work six days a week. The seventh day belongs to me.
I don't have time for God.
I work seven days a week.
I like to party.
I still go to the bars on Saturday night.
I'll go to church after I stop cussin'.
I'll go to church after I stop drinking.
I'll go to church after I stop smoking.
I'm still a sinner.
I'm not good enough.
It's boring.
I'm too young - I'll go when I'm too old to have any more fun.
There are too many sinners in church.
There are too many hypocrites in church.
They don't meet my needs.
There are no people my age so I'm not going.
The preacher moves around to much.


      

 


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